I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
