dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
