I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
