Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
