you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
