Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
