i permit you to call me
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
