I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
