dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
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Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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