i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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