You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
