it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
whose parrot is this?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
