It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
