How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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