how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I need to align my fucking chakras
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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