If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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