things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
