Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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