just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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