no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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