Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
