just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
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