her vagine was all disorganized.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
