and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
