It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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