youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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