My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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