you would pick up someone in the library
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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