Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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