So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
