If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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