Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Randomize
