Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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