i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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