He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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