A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
