she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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