Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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