Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
