I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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