The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
