please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
