I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
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Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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