Define "chronic" masturbator.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
