Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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