I want to make a zoo with you.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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