mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Come on in and take your pants off
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