Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
