Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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