Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
