Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
