i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
