i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
