Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
