She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
