he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
