I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
